Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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