So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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