I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize