What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
