I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
