im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
