Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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