im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
