I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
