there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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