I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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