Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
