somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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