He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
