Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
