i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
