I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
