I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
