Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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