Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
