alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
