you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
