Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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