Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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