Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
