he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Randomize
