I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
