In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
