I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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