my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
