did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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