I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
