Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
