Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
