I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
