Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
