apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
50% drunk capacity currently
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
