I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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