What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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