also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
