took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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