yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
