I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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