she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
