I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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