unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
