I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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