literally had 100 drinks last night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
