I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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