Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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