Christians are straight up FREAKS
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
