Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
