Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
