Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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