I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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