It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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