some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
