I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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