He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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