I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
