Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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