We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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