don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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